Monday, September 12, 2011

"Real Talk".

I made up a session called "Real Talk" with my small group seniors in Valdosta.  It was a time where we would sit in a room and confess what we are struggling with, going through, problems with each other which we called "hard truths" or whatever may be on our heart.  We all write everything everyone says down, vow to pray diligently and wait on and watch God move.  I think it is extremely important for Christians to sit and wait on God and have the ability to see him move, if my seniors learned nothing else from me, I wanted them to learn the power of prayer. 
Having that said I'm going to have some "real talk" today.  I am struggling.  I'm struggling with my body, I'm struggling with my attitude, I'm struggling with my marriage, I'm struggling with family, I'm struggling with my walk, I'm struggling with my purpose...I'm just struggling. 
So, the purpose of this blog is to ask you to pair with me as prayer warriors and watch God move in me...

My struggle with my body, I gained 40 pounds but lost 6 right before I gave birth.  I gave birth to a 9 pound 5 ounce 21.5 inch beautiful baby boy.  I left the hospital 20 pounds lighter than when I walked in.  My sisters tell me I will always have "a pouch".  That's not me, I'm very ok with my "love marks" but I am not ok with giving up the thought of having my fit body back.  Exercise and clean eating is extremely important to me but I'm struggling with consistency.  I know that I'm being silly with my screwed up view of myself but it's hard.  I want to be better, for myself, for my son and for my husband. 

My attitude, well, it fuse is so short...

My marriage.  I can't put a finger on it but because my attitude has sucked I've not been the nicest wife which of course has made us fight.  We always struggle when things change, it takes us a good minute to find our groove and rock it.  This change has been probably the hardest groove to find because every time we start to find it his schedule changes.  Our biggest challenge so far starts next Wednesday, his first flight...A HUGE deal, and extremely exciting yet scary for Billy (this would be something to pray about as well)!  For the first 2 in a half weeks of a push billy will be pretty scarce then he will try to integrate back into John Pierce and my schedule.  This will happen usually every 8 in a half weeks..can you see the difficulty in finding a groove?

Family, I really don't want to go into this much, even though this is suppose to be a "safe zone" like with my girls but lets be real, it's not.  If you are close to me you know what I'm struggling with and you know my heart.  I pray so hard that this will change because I want more for my husband and for my child.  They deserve so much, I'm heartbroken.

My walk, it's suffering, I can feel Satan in so many ways lately.  I feel like he is all over my facebook...from status updates to pictures to the time I consume on there allowing myself to put it over my quiet time with my Lord.  I read my bible and I find myself reading it over and over because I can't comprehend what I'm reading...this is new for me.  Billy even bought me a new bible in hopes of an easier translation for me.  Nope, it confused me worse.  It is Satan, it is SO FRUSTRATING!  My prayer life is consumed with my struggles and not my praises...something I never used to allow. I will be better my Lord, I vow to you.

My purpose...I don't have one except to take care of my beautiful son.  I thoroughly enjoy spending every minute of my day with his smiling face but I still feel empty.  I know God brought us here for a reason, Billys is obvious, mine is not so much!  Maybe I'm in a season to learn patience?  Grr, I wish he'd hurry! :) I need something to keep me busy.  I just got appointed to be on the board of directors for our neighborhood association...when on earth did I become old enough to be on this???  I'm thinking about getting my personal trainers license and my zumba certification, something I've wanted to do for some time now but I'm scared that I will fail because I'm not the brightest bulb in the box pack!

Well, there you go, my struggles.  Now, don't leave me hanging, let me be a prayer warrior for you.  Send me an email, message me on facebook, call me, text me, comment can I pray for you?
I saw this on a friends facebook today and she was being a vessel...her status said,
"What if instead of seeing aggravations as inconveniences, I saw them as reminders to draw near to God?"
- lysa terkuerst
Wow, Ok God, thanks...I got it, without you I will not be the person I want to be to the important people in my life. My prayer life will not get better without being in the word more, I will not understand it until I truly try and ask for guidance.  Our family issues will not go away or get better without you, my marriage will not survive without you.  I will not find my true purpose without you.  My body is perfectly made by your hands.
Oh, how I love you.

On a COMPLETE side cute is this face?

Happy Monday Friends,